hw #32 - comments

casey:
Eloise,
I'm so very impressed! This post is fantastic. It addresses important relevant problems within the realm of illness and dying, such as the never ending intentions of oncologists and other medical personnel to keep the bodies alive, the lack of homeopathic remedies in the hospital (like art, laughter, proper diet, yoga), the lack of simple comforts such as fresh air, windows, and privacy, etc. My favorite part is the description of your uncle dying in the first paragraph (perhaps because it depicted something I've never seen?) Your ideas and explorations are all over the place - from your uncle to oncologists to art in hospitals to Tracy Kidder to various interviews. I love your obvious passion for finding information, although it is a little overwhelming to read. Perhaps in the future you could choose the point of each paragraph, and stick with it concisely. Your interview with Lorelei was a nice touch; it made the idea of doctors more than just a white coat and stilted agenda. well done!

evan:
Eloise,

WOOOOAAHH!!!! You really went all out on this one! :)

You begin with a very heart-throbbing tale that I am sure was difficult and took much bravery to write. Then you go on to explain in detail a very interesting idea about 'how what is deemed important' and by whom, which directly challenged the dominant social practice of leaving fate and decisions in the hands of doctors.

Then the third paragraph. Or I should say the BEST paragraph! You bring an onslaught of insights and claims (which are backed up with excellent evidence) forth and the entire idea of the separation of the physical, social and emotional elements is a very interesting one. There are so many quotable parts in this paragraph, that I simply cannot choose any single one to highlight, so I will just go ahead and say pretty much EVERYTHING in that paragraph was the best.

The focus on arts and yoga in the hospital environment was very significant to me personally, having worked on art with hospice patients over many years. I wish you could've gotten to this in more detail in your presentation! Your narrative on Sandra was also engaging and kept me invested, and you conclude nicely.

If there's any room for improvement, I guess it'd just be to trim the less excellent writing from the already outstanding stuff. I can see you put a lot of effort into this, and if you perhaps kept everything a bit shorter (almost a precis of each paragraph but not quite as short), you'd have a very strong, short post that wouldn't take 30 minutes to read :)

Evan
__________________________________________________________________________
to casey:
"in order to feel that they have purpose and meaning, teenaged males need to feel that they are making a lasting difference, whether in someone’s life, or via a monumental accomplishment." I thought that this was the quote that withsheld the deepest amount of insight because you are clearly analyzing the results of your data. To make this point stronger you could have elaborated upon what other reasons may cause this, and why you believe in the theories of Epicurs and then stated your evidence. I also think you could have made this point stronger by analyzing your counter evidence (females) and why you believe they had the results they did.

to evan:
ok I am going to start with the negative and leave on a positive note.
I don't think you answered your own question as to why we want to live to a 100, or at least did not make it clear.

"I found it particularly interesting that something as simple as a sense of purpose could be considered a virtual life-extender, especially considering just how direct the other factors are toward maintaining health (keeping active, staying stress-free, being well supplied with care, a fixed diet, etc.)."I thought that this one of the most insightful quotes because you seem to sum up what makes a optimal life. I think you could have expanded on this point and make it stronger by relating to how this could be an effect of the social practices and if this is seen in our culture.